Drabbles of Course
by angelinpunk
Summary: Drabbles with any pairings.Ed has skittle wars, Al works at Jamba juice? Alphonse is a nut job. Roy and Ed seem to be the only sane ones.YOU WILL LAUGH!I'm not gonna lie, he first chapters of this sucks,I was 11,now 15, but later chapters are very excelle
1. Ed talks to wall

Kim: ok this drabble thing is pointless but funny.

Ed: She does not own FMA

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Edward Elric walked down the hallway of East head Quarters, he was on his way to Colonel Mustangs office. He had to turn in a report from his latest mission.

When he reached Mustang's office he opened the door and looked in. He walked in noticing that no one was there.

"Where the hell is everyone" Ed said aloud to himself, he then walked over to the couch and sat down.

MEAN WHILE 

Roy walked down the hallway and locked the door to his office and smirked to himself. He just locked Full Metal in his office.

The colonel walked over to Hughes, "Well I locked Full Metal in my office, and I know he is claustrophobic so this will be ultimate pay back for when he dyed my hair blue last week."

"Yeah and plus we are recording him with the cameras in your office so if he does do something stupid, the whole military will see." Maes said and laughed.

BACK WITH ED 

Ed twiddled his fingers together and stood up, he strode over to the door and attempted to open it. "Damn! Why wont the door open and why is the damn lock on the other side of the door." He thought to himself.

"I could use Alchemy to get out but then I would get in trouble." Ed muttered to himself. He bit his lip, "I should do something to take my mind off of being trapped in here in this small…enclosed space."

**5 minutes later**

"I'm bored, I'll talk to this wall." Ed said.

"Hey, wall how's it going."

The wall did nothing.

"Are you ignoring me!"

The wall still did nothing.

Ed kicked the wall.

The wall did nothing.

Ed continued kicking the wall.

"This is boring." Full Metal said and kicked the wall one last time.

"Will you stop kicking me! Honestly, all I ever do is sit here and people nail things to me, and once someone dented me! Now leave me ALONE!" The wall yelled at Ed.

Ed stared wide-eyed and blinked.

The wall said nothing.

Ed blinked again

"WELL? Is that all you have to say?" The wall asked Ed.

Ed just blinked again, "You can talk." He stated slowly.

"Thank you captain obvious" The wall said and rolled its eyes.

"YOU'VE GOT EYES!" Ed yelled.

The wall blinked.

"Walls can talk and see. Never again will I feel safe to dress in my room." Ed said stunned and ran to the door and banged on it, "LET ME OUT LET ME OUT! I WANT TO BE FREE!"

**WITH THE COLONEL**

Roy snickered, "What the hell is Ed doing, yelling at a wall. I already got my revenge so I guess I will free him."

**BACK WITH ED**

"I WANT OUT!" Edward yelled and continued to hit the door attempting to free himself.

Just then Roy opened the door and Ed ran to him, "OH MY GOSH ROY IT WAS SOOO HORRIBLE, THE WALLS THEY TALK!" Ed yelled and then ran out of the room.

"Sure they do Full Metal, sure they do." Roy said and sighed and looked around.

"Hey what are you looking at?" The Wall spat.

Roy stared and the wall and then ran, "AHHHHHHHH WALLS TALK!'

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Kim: ok yeah like I said it was stupid and pointless but it was for my own amusement so flame it if you want, I don't care. But other drabblish things will be better.


	2. New colonel?

Kim: OK, here is a NEW drabble, something totally different from the first one, well because duh, it's a drabble and just to let you know, I will write a drabble one how Ed dyed Roy's hair blue.

THINGS YOU MUST READ: Al has a normal body and He is OOC. I got this Idea while watching 'Buffy the vampire slayer'. AND don't ask how Roy became Furor because I'm not sure how yet.

Edward Elric walked down the halls to the Furors office, at the moment Roy Mustang was the furor, he had gotten promoted for some reason. (Yay for him)

When he arrived there he saw a man with deep blue eyes and golden brown hair talking to Roy.

Edward looked at the golden haired man and asked, "new colonel?"

"New colonel." Roy responded and nodded his head.

"You must be Edward Elric, I'm the new Colonel Jason Green." The man said and held out his hand to greet Edward.

Ed just looked at the hand and walked over to sit next to Roy and asked, "Is he evil?"

"What?" Roy asked confused.

"The last colonel was Evil, I just wanted to know." Full Metal stated.

"But I was the last colonel."

"Precisely." Ed grinned.

"Now Ed." Jason said, "You are under my control at the moment and I hear the has been numerous murders up in Lior. So you will go there and check it out."

"I will?" Ed questioned.

"What? Do you have a problem with taking orders?"

"Well whenever Roy sends me on a mission, he says please and afterwards I get a cookie." Ed smiled.

Just then Alphonze Elric walked in the office. He looked at the blued eyed man and asked, "New colonel?"

"New colonel." Roy and Ed said dully in unison.

"Screw that." Al said and walked out.

"Now why didn't I do that?" Ed asked.

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Kim: ok that was another drabble, please review and if you have any parings you want me to do, just let me know


	3. Blue hairspray

Kim's RANT: Don't get mad if my writing is sloppy or anything, I'm 13 what do you expect from me, I got B last year in grammar, a B- actually and this year I have a B, I think I got a B because I failed the pronoun quiz…and I don't remember what a pronoun is so see, I'm stupid but if you call me stupid, I'll get mad and I will throw bombs at you…I will try to improve my grammar skills………

Roy: yeah her grammars bad, she could improve it but she's lazy

Kim: SILENCE MORTAL!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA if I did I wouldn't be writing with my bad grammar skills….

Kim: this is stupid but funny. I know Ed's not old enough to drink but…

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"Guess who's back, back again, Edwards back, tell a friend." Ed sang as he entered colonel Mustangs office.

Roy looked up from his paperwork to see Ed singing and Al trying to get him to stop.

"HIYA ROY! I did my reports."

"Al is he drunk." The colonel asked.

"Well…. He only drank one can…"

Ed then jumped on Roy's desk and started to sing the Barney song, "I love you, you love me, we are one happy family…."

Roy got annoyed and stood up from his desk, grabbed Ed's arm and dragged him outside so they could talk.

"Ed, your drunk."

"Your sexy." Ed said back and Roy just gave him the 'Holy hell, I'm scared' look.

They both stared at each other for a while then Ed brought out a bottle of something.

"What's that?" Roy asked.

"Hair spray."

"Uh huh."

"It's blue."

"Yeah so."

"If you spray it in someone's hair it doesn't come out for weeks."

"Your point."

"I have no point." Said Ed and then grabbed Roy's head so he could spray blue hairspray in his hair.

After that Ed strode away from Roy smirking.

And on that faithful day, Roy learned Ed was not a fun Drunk.

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Kim: Please review…. any flames thrown at me will be used to make pie for the nice reviewers.

Ed: mmmmm pie


	4. So Ed waited

Kim: This is a drabble made by my friend sierra, its pointless but funny in its own weird way…..

Disclaimer: do you really think I own them…

Roy and Ed walked down the hall their footfalls echoing.

"Ok Full metal, I'm gonna go now, so wait right here." Roy said.

"Ok Roy." replied Ed. So he waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and Envy walked by with a duel disk...and..."Wait, Envy with a duel disk?" Ed asked the narrator.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WAITING!" She yelled...and Ed got hit with an apple...and he waited...and waited...and waited...and waited some more...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...until he couldn't wait any more!

"ROY!" The young alchemist screamed.

"Ed, i haven't left yet." Roy said. He was standing on the other side of the hall.

"Oh...ok," Ed said. So he waited again...and waited...and waited...

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Kim: there ya go! Reviewers get a free Ed scented pillow!

Roy: I want an Ed scented pillow!

Ed: erm...


	5. Matrix, FMA style

Kim: I got this idea from foamy the squirrel, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

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It was a bright normal day and Roy mustang was sitting at his desk napping and not doing paperwork as usual when ed walked in wearing this black suit.

" Wake up Roy, the matrix has you" Ed said as Roy continued to sleep, "Hey, I said wake up!"

Roy looked at Ed and shook his head wondering why the hell full metal was wearing a suit.

Edward walked up to Roy and looked him straight in the face, "Don't you realize, your part of the matrix" his eyes slanted, "all that's around you, its not real! It's a program run by a giant computer stuck in the back of your head" Ed flung his arms in the air, "its crazy!"

Roy shook his head in disbelief as Edward continued to talk.

"Do you know who I am!"

"Your Edward, Remember." Roy yawned.

"No, I am the one." Then Ed took out a pair of black glasses and put them on, "I'm here to get you out of the system and back in reality…reality…. all you have to do is free your mind…. LIKE I DID!"

Ed then raised his arms like he was about to do yoga, "I know karate." He then attempted to do punches in the air and flailed his arms all about and then he jumped in the air trying to sidekick Roy, but to bad for ed because all of a sudden he got caught in slow motion.

Ed frowned stuck in slow motion, "Ok what the fuck is this shit."

Roy blinked, thinking 'how is this even possible?'

"You know I couldn't kick your ass the normal way, I had to go for the trippy slow motion" Ed sulked, "I'm gonna be here all week…. Dammit, the matrix did it to me again!"

Roy just stared.

Ed pointed his index finger a Roy, "Don't move, I'll get you eventually!" He then tried to grab Roy but it did not progress since he was stuck in slow motion and moving slowly, "So close…free your mind." Ed said and pointed to his head.

Ed finally gave up and sat there in slow motion.

"Uhhh you want something from the fridge?" Roy asked.

"Umm yeah, you could get me a soda."

Three hours later Ed was slurping his soda paused in slow motion. About a minute later he ran out of the soda and threw the cup down, "AWWW COME ON, WHAT IS THIS!"

Roy was walking home having left the building with ed in it 2 hours later.

"DAMN YOU NEO!"

Roy paused, " that sounded a lot like ed……"

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Kim: please read and review, if you do you get a Roy scented pillow.


	6. Winry had to die

Kim: I HAVE AN IMPORTANT NOTE! DON'T READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE HEARD THE SONG "GOOD BYE EARL" BY THE DIXIE CHICKS OR ELSE THIS WONT MAKE SENCE! SO DON'T REVIEW SAYING YOU DON'T GET IT!….but you can still read it.

Notes to those who have heard the song: I know ed and roy are not best friends so whatever. This was for my amusment because Winry needs to die.

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Roy and Edward were the best of friends  
All through their high school days  
Both members of the 4H Club  
Both active in the FFA  
After graduation roy went out lookin' for a bright new world

Edward looked all around this town and all He found was Winry

Well it wasn't two weeks after he got married that Edward started gettin abused  
he put on dark glasses and long sleeved shirts and make-up to cover his  
bruise

Well he finally got the nerve to FILE for divorce  
he let the law take it from there  
But Winry walked right through that restraining order  
And put him in intensive care

Right away Roy flew in from Atlanta  
On a red eye midnight flight  
he held Edward's hand and they worked out a plan  
And it didn't take 'em long to decide, That Winry had to die na na na na na na  
Goodbye Winry  
Those black-eyed peas  
They tasted all right to me, Winry  
You're feelin' weak?  
Why don't you lay down and sleep, Winry?  
Ain't it dark  
Wrapped up in that tarp Winry?

The cops came by to bring Winry in  
They searched the house high and low  
Then they tipped their hats and said, "thank you boy's  
if you hear from her let us know"

Well the weeks went by and  
Spring turned to Summer  
And Summer faded into Fall  
And it turns out she was a missing person who nobody missed at all  
So the boys bought some land at a roadside stand out on Highway 109  
They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam  
and they don't lose any sleep at night

'cause Winry had to die na na na na na na  
Goodbye Winry We need a break

Let's go out to the lake, winry  
We'll pack a lunch And stuff you in the trunk winry  
Well is that all right na na na na na naaaaaaaaa

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Kim: well if it does not make sence listen to the Dixie chicks song called "good by earl"


	7. Roy hates math

Kim: you know what? I don't like flames so if you have a flame DON'T POST IT! The last chapter was for MY amusement, personally I don't think Winry is that bad, she is a good character don't get me wrong its just fun to write.

Disclaimer: if you think I own them, you must be on crack.

Note: inspired by something that happened at school.

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"Hey Colonel crap"

"What Edward?"

Ed pointed to a piece of paper that was neatly scribbled on, "I forgot what 9 x 3 is, can you tell me?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because"

"Because why?"

"Because I forgot how to multiply."

"You what?" Ed asked bluntly.

"Well I-"

"Don't be silly colonel," Hawkeye piped up, "You never learned how to multiply and that is why you failed that test in high school."

Roy put his face in his hands, "don't remind of that!"

FLASHBACK 

Ms. Burson, Roy's math teacher was handing back tests. She handed Roy his test with a frown and continued to hand them out.

Roy looked around noticing everyone had gotten 100 percenton the test, even Riza got a 100 percent.

Then he looked down at his test and gasped at the test in pure shock, "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!" He read it over to make sure it was correct, "How is it that everyone got 100 on the test and I GOT A –1 percent!"

END OF FLASH BACK 

Ed snickered, "Ha ha the colonel can't multiply!"

"YEAH well. Ummmm…YOU CANT DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"SHUT UP MIDGET!"

"You know what Roy!" Ed's eyes slanted, "I have dreams, and in those dreams…. Things happen to you."

Roy crossed his arms and turned away from the short alchemist, "And for your information Full Metal, the answer to 9 x 3 is 28!"

"ummmmm sir?" Riza asked quietly.

"WHAT"

"The answer is actually 27…"

"SAME DIFFERENCE!"

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Kim: reviews greatly appreciated.


	8. Star Treck

Kim: This chapter is EdxWinry ok, so be warned.

Note: this drabble goes against everything I believe in because I like RoyxEd better….i always think Winry is trying to Steal Ed from Roy so whatever.

Next chapter: it will be a Royed drabble as a Christmas present for myself.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA but I want it for Christmas…. seriously….

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It was a late Friday night and Winry and Edward had been invited to a Christmas party at Mrs. Hughes' house.

Winry sat in front of a mirror adding make up to her face. She had blue eye shadow with mascara and red tinted blush. She stood up a moment later and smoothed out he blue dress and started to walk down the hall to the living room.

When she reached the room, Ed was perched on the couch with his eyes glued to the TV, he was watching 'Star Treck' and everyone knows how much Ed loves star treck…

"Honey, does this make me look fat?" Winry directed her attention to Ed.

"You betcha" Edward replied, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"What!"

Winry then got out her almighty wrench of doom and hit her supposed 'loving boyfriend' with it.

"Owwwww, what the hell was that for."

"For being and idiot!"

"Oh"

"Well are you going to the Christmas party with me or not!"

"Winry, I love you, I really do but I also love Star Treck and in all fairness Star Treck was here first."

Winry sighed and strolled over so she was directly in front of the other blonde, she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against his, "now will you go?"

"You betcha."

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Kim: OMG, I almost threw up when I wrote that Winry kissed Ed…..its true….i just don't like that pairing that much but it was a **Christmas present** for all you EdxWinry Fans…………

ALL REVIEWERS WILL GET CANDY CANES!


	9. Is it a Color?

Kim: I am back! With another drabble…dun dun dun…and thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! I love you all, and some of you asked if you offended me, well the answer is you didn't, I was just ranting about flamers that day..

NOTE: I have been improving my grammar skills because I got 100 percent on the quiz! Go me! And the idea for this drabble came from an event that happened at school. And please, I don't want flames, I want constructive criticism if you have to flame about my writing but anyways all reviews get a pair of Al slippers! Yay!

Disclaimer: I don't own them…I'm just…. Borrowing them.. Yeah that's is..Borrowing….

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Ed was confused. He understood most things but this absolutely stumped him. He reads different books that gave him different answers. So the blonde decided to ask someone smart or at least mostly smart.

"Hey colonel?"

"What Full Metal?"

"Is black a color?"

"What!…"

Ed sighed; he hated repeating himself, "I said, is black a color?"

"Well technically its not."

"YOU LIE! HOW DO YOU KNOW!"

Roy's fast twisted in anger, "Because I'm smart and I know this."

"YOUR NOT SMART! YOU FAILED MATH!"

"Well this is not a math question it is a science question!"

"WELL! Same difference!"

"Must you two always bicker and fight?" A voice broke in. It was Hawkeye's.

"Yes." Both alchemists said in unison.

"Now. Edward, please leave, the colonel has a lot of paperwork to sign."

Roy huffed a grunt when he heard 'paper work'.

"But the colonel lied and said black is not a color…. I'm sick of his lies!"

Riza frowned, "Edward." She said dully, "Black is not a color."

"Well…THEN WHY IS IT A CRAYON!" The Blonde spat and ran out of the office.

"….and I thought I had problems…." Roy muttered to himself.

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Kim: okee, I hope you like it, and for those of you who wonder I learned black is not a color for some strange reason….i wasn't paying attention when the teacher was saying the reason….WELL I hope you review –puppy dog eyes- please! I love reviews! And plus! You get Al slippers!


	10. Middle names

Kim: salutations all of you, I have come up with a new drabble!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Roy's middle name, which I borrowed from J.T on 'Degrassi', but I do own this leaf, which I named Bobalena.

Ed: READ AND REVIEW!

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Ed walked through the military base, it was 5:00am and there was still an hour left before the sun rose. The blonde sighed momentarily, he only woke up this early so he could drop off his paper work for the colonel and avoid his rants before the superior man arrive and be back in time to catch a train that was headed to his hometown so he could visit Winry.

Ed looked down at his feet as he advanced toward the colonels office, little did he know someone was walking towards him. It was too late before the alchemist realized he walked right into a stranger.

"Oh, sorr-" the blondes eyes slanted when he realized who it was, "So colonel what are you doing here so. Early."

Roy looked down at Ed and his eyebrows scrunched together, "couldn't sleep…._ nightmares._" Roy stared directly at Ed when he said that.

"Oh come on, I'm not that evil."

"Oh, but in my dreams…there's more than one of you causing hell around the city."

Ed just rolled his eyes and pulled up his sleeve so he could look at his watch. (AN: since when did Ed have a watch?) He glanced down at the time and noticed he had 10 minutes until he had to be at the train station.

"Look Colonel." The blonde started, "here are the reports." With that said he handed them over.

"Full metal, you cant just give them to me, we have to review them."

"…"

"Full metal!"

"Fine."

10 MINUTES LATER

"BROTHER! WHERE ARE YOU!" A suit of armor called into the hallways of the military, "BROTHER!" the armor stopped yelling when he heard soft voices coming from the colonel's office.

"EDWARD CHARIOT ELRIC! YOU WHERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE TRAIN STATION 10 MINUTES AGO!"

Ed and Roy stopped talking and looked up. Ed blushed, "All I thought you said you would _never_ say my middle name."

"Oh oops…. BUT ED! You missed the train! Now we have to wait a whole other day until we get to see Winry."

"Wha-wha-wait." Roy started on the verge of laughter, "your middle name is Chariot?"

"Yes." Full metal replied softly.

"HA!"

"ROY TIBERIUS MUSTANG! STOP MAKING FUN OF BROTHER."

Roy stopped laughing and frowned, "how the hell did he know MY middle name."

"I know things Roy…. a lot of things." The armor said.

Ed started laughing, "That's even worse than my middle name!" he grinned, "Well at least our middle names isn't something like Barney."

Al frowned. That was his middle name…but only he knew.

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Kim: ok, pointless but I just had to let you all know that in my reality they have middle names that are stupid.

Roy: -whines- but my name is stupid!

Kim: live with it, anyways, please review! If you review I will give you a pet chicken!


	11. Pot Leaf

Kim: ok this is like really random…you see I was on the phone like at 9:00pm at night and I was talking to a friend and then just randomly I said, "what if Ed had a pot leaf?" Thus, the idea was formed.

Disclaimer: I don't own them….. But I do own my Ed shrine in the center of my room….

NOTE: well I don't have a note this time…..

-Y-

A flowerpot sat outside the Rockbell home, it was Edwards. Edward had made it when he was a small child and always kept it at the Rockbell home for whatever strange reason. It was autumn and leaves gracefully floated down and hit the green ground. One leaf happened to fall into Edward's pot and when Ed found out about this, he was overjoyed.

"Pot leaf?" Winry Rockbell asked.

A short blonde nodded, "hey... Stop laughing! What's so funny!"

"You are very strange."

"Well it makes sense to name it that because it's a leaf and it landed in a pot. My pot!" Edward whined.

Winry had a straight face on, "Edward, it's a leaf…. who names a leaf."

"…People…"

"And who might those people be?"

"…Me…and…" Ed paused as if trying to remember something, "…. OH wait and there was that one time when Al named a leaf 'Uncle Vernerd.'"

"He was five." The auto mail mechanic pointed out with a shake of her head, "and you're what, 16?"

"Shut-up."

-Y-

It was a bright and sunny day in central, Edward was especially happy because he just happened to bring his 'Pot leaf' with him today. The blonde alchemist practically skipped to The Colonels office.

He poked his head in and saw the Colonel taking his 12:02pm nap. He shut the door as he walked in; he noticed none of Roy's subordinates where there 'Probably on their lunch break' he concluded.

"HI ROY!"

Roy jolted awake making various papers fall off his desk, "What the hell do YOU want Full Metal, cant you see I'm getting my beauty sleep."

"…But you're not beautiful…."

"…" Roy sighed…. sometimes Full Metal was just plain brain damaged, "What do you want Edward."

The blonde smiled happily, "I just wanted to show you my pot leaf."

"…"

"…"

"You're a pot dealer?"

"NO!" Full Metal pulled out his leaf; "THIS" he pointed to it, "Is a leaf that fell in a pot."

Roy rolled his eyes and put his gloves on, he was going to burn the leaf because if Ed kept if he would have not stopped talking about it, like that last time when he named a pinecone 'Charlie'. Roy shuddered at the flashback. He brought his hand up about to snap while Edward blabbered about how his 'Pot leaf' was going to be a lawyer.

-Y-

Riza Hawkeye walked down the halls to the colonel's office, she just finished her lunch and wanted to be the first one to the office before all the men arrived and ruined her time to think.

She stopped at the Colonel's door when she heard a yelling voice.

"ROY YOU ALMOST SET MY POT LEAF ON FIRE! HOW COULD YOU!"

Riza stared wide-eyed at the door. Ed was a pot dealer? She continued to listen.

"FULL METAL GIVE ME THAT POT- ER- WHATEVER YOU CALL IT SO I CAN BURN IT!"

"NO, ITS MINE! ALL MINE! MY PRESSICOUS!"

A little freaked out from what she just heard, she concluded that Ed was a pot dealer and the colonel was trying to get the pot. She had to stop this and SAVE THE FRIGGAN DAY!

She barged in and saw an angry looking Roy with his fingers up ready to snap and a scared looking Ed hiding behind a couch.

"…" She didn't know what to say, "SO, you aren't a pot dealer Ed?"

"WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT!" The blonde yelled, "IT'S A FRIGGAN LEAF THAT FELL IN THE FIGGAN POT!"

"OK!" Hawkeye screamed, she pulled out her gun and shot the leaf reducing it to little crumbs.

Edwards's eyes watered, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he burst out crying, "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!"

-Y-

Kim: Ok, yeah…I know, it's random but what can I say…

Ed: You can ask them to review.

Kim: OH yeah! PLEASE REVIEW! I will update faster with more reviews…

Roy: waffles…..


	12. Paint and feathers

Kim: This drabble is dedicated to Neo Diji for her birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. And read her Fic 'Watermelon lip gloss' its really funny and I love it.

Note: ummmmm. There is royed if you SCWINT! But you will still like it even if you're not a Yaoi fan, I only mention them being together so don't worry. I also used a few lines from the suite life of zack and cody…because when I heard them use these lines, I thought, that's something Edward would say.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and never will.

SO AGAIN! HAPPY B-DAY KARA (neo diji)

-Y-

The furor stood in the middle of the room covered in pink paint and yellow feathers. He wasn't just mad, he was furious and at one person and that one person happened to be Edward Elric.

The furor's secretary, Ms. Douglas ran up to him frantic, "oh nonono, are you ok sir."

"Oh fine…. just peachy." He said with sarcasm stinging his voice.

"Sir?"

"I WANT FULL METAL DEPORTED!"

Ms. Douglas' face twisted in confusion, "Sir, he's from here."

"Well then, I want him THROWN IN THE DUGEON!"

"Sir, we DON'T have a dungeon, but we can have him fired."

"Out of a cannon?"

FLASHBACK

Full metal Sniggered as he hid behind Furor King Bradley's desk. Any moment the Furor would walk in and the bucket of paint and feathers will fall on him. Why Edward was doing this? He was getting revenge from when the furor sent him on a 5-month mission away from his precious Roy. Who new he loved Roy _that _much.

The blonde alchemist heard foot fall from afar, he saw the doorknob turn and in seconds the furor was covered in the paint and feathers that fell on him from above.

Edward got up from his hiding place and was planning on making a run for it but to bad for him because the Furor grabbed him right before he could take his leave.

"Full Metal, what is your bucket doing on top of my door."

"What's your door doing under my bucket." The younger replied as he tried to get rid of the Furors grasp.

He finally wriggled free and out the door, "FULL METAL GET BACK HERE!" the blonde heard and replied, "I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR BURGER KING FRIES!"

END OF FLASHBACK

Sitting in Roy's house eating a huge tub of frosting, Ed went over today's events. Boy he was in trouble. Well you see, the Furor eventually caught him, well more like he was surrounded by 50 soldiers and brought to the Furor. But now he was fired from central for 5 weeks? That's a long time regarding that fact that he needs the library's to do research on the philosopher's stone.

Roy, his lover stood in the kitchen cooking…something. Ed groaned and took his spoon and took another bite of his chocolate frosting.

"Edward"

He turned around at the mention of his name, "what."

The colonel rolled his eyes, "Enough with the frosting, have a carrot." As said Roy placed a bowl of carrots in front of Ed.

Full Metal stared at the carrots, then at the chocolate frosting. He took a carrot and swiped it in the chocolate and ate it.

Roy rolled his eyes and shook his head. He loved Edward, but sometimes he was a bit…special.

"Hey Roy."

"Yes."

"Your house is messy."

"So?"

"Well I want to live where everything has a place and everything is in its place."

"A filing cabinet?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT…never mind…"

-Y-

Today was Edwards first day back at central. Roy was already in his office so he decided to pay him a visit.

He walked through the hallways and strangely, no one was in them. Funny, maybe they got a day off he thought.

The blonde finally reached his destination, Roy's office. He turned the knob and went in slowly then from above something fell on him, something that was crispy and good and smelled like…. popcorn shrimp?

"MY BRETHERN!" Full metal fell to his knees sobbing. He looked up, eyes watery and spoted the Furor, Roy and other random military people. He pointed his index finger at everyone, "YOU ALL GET OUT OF THIS OFFICE…and you!" He looked at the Furor, "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY FUNERAL!"

Everyone hurried out of the office leaving Edward to grieve of the popcorn shrimp or as he called them 'brethren."

So the next day Edward held a funeral. He glanced down at the grave that read, 'HERE LAYS ED'S BRETHEREN'

Roy stood there the whole time thinking 'What the hell is wrong with him'. He loved Edward, he just didn't love Edward.

"Roy"

"yeah?"

"Your brain damaged."

" I AM NOT DRAIN BRAMAGED."

Roy smirked, "YES U ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!." whoa…random out burst of yelling…never eat shredded wheat

-Y-

Kim: OK, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Neo Diji aka. Kara

EVERYONE Please review!


	13. How can it get any worse

Kim: ok, here is a next chappie…I'm a little random today so BEWARE for much randomness!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, nor do I own Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy' nor do I own the Teletubies or Egg mc muffins from mc Donald's

Kim: oh and before I forget, This chappie is dedicated to some of my friends, Sierra, Danielle, Theresa, Kendall, and Tatiana.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVv

It was already a long day for Edward…. a REALLY long day…FIRST he got attacked by a flower and then a door hit him flat in the face but worst of all a fat man named peter Griffin tried to eat him! Things could not get any worse for him.

**ATTETION EVERYONE! THIS IS A FLASH BACK! (i dun no when it ends...)**

The so-called blonde alchemist Edward Elric was minding his own business; he was on his way to central to go over some important reports with the Colonel. Now personally, Ed did not think the reports were that important but he still had to go see that idiot colonel.

He strode his way along the sidewalk when he noticed a beautiful blue rose. He bent over to pick it up but right before doing so, the flower got out a shotgun and started shooting at him. Edward ran away in shock from the flower, thinking 'How did that happen and OMG IM GONNA GETOWNED BY A FLOWER'

After he got away from the flower who somehow sprouted legs and decided to chase him, he started his route back to Central. He was just about there when some fat dude named peter Griffin jumped out of a bush yelling, "HEY IT'S A BURITO! EHEHEHEHEHEHE, IM GONNA EAT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

"AHHHHHHHHH" Full metal screamed trying to get the fat man away from him. In the end it was no use so he used alchemy to turn the man into a burrito himself and fed him to a turtle.

Edward FINALLY made it to central and was in the building…. the nice…shiny…white…building…Edward always thought the building was shiny…and he sure does love shiny things…anyways…. Back to the drabble.

Edward was in the building and was about to reach out and turn the knob to the Colonels office when the door flung open and hit him square in the face. He got up from his falling position rubbing his poor face. He stared up at the colonel wide eyed because not only the colonel was out of uniform but his whole staff was! They were all dressed in gorilla suits…which was scary because Ed was dead scared of monkeys especially baboons.

The Colonel, Roy Mustang stared down and Ed and Ed stared at him.

"Come to the light side…we have milk." Roy said, ever so smoothly.

Ed stared in bewilderment before something kicked in him and caused him to act, "ATTACK THE LIGHT SIDE! THEY HAVE MILK! COME MY MINIONS, ATTACK! ATTACK!"

So supposedly this made Ed the dark side…Then all of a sudden walking 'Egg mc Muffins' popped up behind Edward with demented little smiles of there breaded faces. They all smiled wickedly before yelling, "EGG POWER" and attacking Roy and his Gorilla dressed light side.

The war ended terribly with bits of Egg mc muffin everywhere and bits of gorilla suit fur on the ground. There stood Edward Elric with clumps off egg in his hair and there stood Roy with his gorilla suit all torn up and they both thought 'How can this day get any worse'

But indeed it did get worse because some how, the teletubies appeared and captured them and took them away to frolic in the flowers….

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Kim: PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE PLEASE! I will give you an Egg mc muffin if you do. OH and before I forget…the next chapter will be their adventure in teletubie land.

Ed: Teletubies are scary.

Roy: yeah and so are these –gets out baboon puppet-

Ed: I WANT MY MOMMY

Al: but Ed you ain't got no mamma no more yo!

Everyone: **-**stares at Al-


	14. Skittles

Kim: Okee I have another chapter! Go me!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the song "Ridin' Dirty"

Kim: this is a bit of a random thing I came up with in 5 minutes. Sorry if there are grammar errors I just came back from my dance recital and I'm tired as hell.

Ed: -gives reviewers random stuff that authoress promised in other chapters."

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IT was a sunny day; there was not a cloud in the sky, except for the one that looked like Godzilla. Edward, the full metal alchemist was on his way to the colonel's office to ambush him because the colonel just happened to throw a car at him last week…and this was revenge.

Edward stood in front of the door ready to open it, when he heard something slam on the ground. He quickly turned the knob to the door and hurried in but what he found was Hawkeye slamming a pineapple against the ground yelling, "SPONGEBOB SPEAK TO ME!"

Full metal cleared his throat, "umm Hawkeye…are you okay."

She looked up and then looked back down at the pineapple and stood up, "You did not just see that."

"Umm right…well where is the colonel?"

"He should be in the staff lounge."

"Thanks." Ed replied quickly before dashing out the door and to the staff lounge.

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He finally reached the staff lounge and opened the door. He looked around; there wasn't anyone there except for someone singing on the staff lounge stage. He wondered why there was a stage in the lounge room but he brushed it off.

He began to hear the music the closer he got to the stage and he realized who was singing.

"They see me rollin

They hatin  
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
My music so loud  
I'm swangin  
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty."

The singer stopped immediately after noticing he wasn't alone.

"Oh….my….gosh Roy…" Edward started with wide eyes, "that was disturbing."

Roy regained his composer; "you were not supposed to see that full metal, and why the hell are you in here."

"To do this." Edward then pulled out a huge skittles package and started darting them at Roy, "TASTE THE RAINBOW COLONEL BASTURD!"

"AHHHHH!" Roy screamed attempting to duck the skittles being thrown at him but he got hit with many that where diffidently going to leave a mark.

"ATTETION ALL IMPORTANT MILITARY PERSONAL! PLEASE REPORT TO KING BRADLY'S OFFICE THIS INSTANT." Came a booming voice from the corner of the room.

Roy got up quickly and started to walk out, "I have to go no-"

"SHHHHH! Can't you see the gods are trying to speak to us?" Edward screamed before Mustang could finish his sentence.

Roy stared and then walked out with Ed right behind him, Edward would have continued throwing skittles but sadly he ran out of them."

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On their way both alchemists ran into Hawkeye for she was going to the same place as them.

Hawkeye grabbed Roy and Ed's hand and yelled, "**to the bat cave."**

**And thus, that was the End of Edward's day of revenge, it would have been better if there were more skittles but sadly there weren't.**


	15. Vaction?

Kim: HI!…. you know what? I just realized that the title of my story 'Drabbles of corse' is spelled wrong and its actually 'Drabbles of course.' Geez, im dumb.

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, Nor do I own Donald Duck or The suite life of Zack and Cody…WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL, WHY CANT I OWN THEM!

Kim: I think I actually saw Cole and Dylan Sprouse (Cody and Zack) on Sunday at a fair….but I was on some ride and I couldn't go glomp them, stupid ride.

Note: I got lazy, so the next chapter is Ed at the hotel.

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Summary for this drabble type thing: Edward needs a vacation so he goes to Boston to stay at the Tipton hotel and he meets Zack and Cody! What trouble will happen? This will be like a three part drabble if I decide its that long.

It had been a long weekend for a certain blonde alchemist. A LONG LONG weekend. He had saved the world from a possessed Donald Duck and had reports that were due to the colonel today!

Edward Elric sighed as he trudged along the long hallways of central. He definitely needed a vacation, a nice LONG vacation, away from everything. He was going to ask the colonel if he could have one and if the colonel said "no" then the bombs would come…oh yes…. The bombs….

Full metal knocked on the door to the colonels office once, but he heard nothing and it wasn't the colonel's nap time either because it was only 9:00am, not 12:00pm.

Edward got extremely annoyed because when he attempted to turn the knob, it refused to open. Stupid door.

"COLONEL I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN UP OR I-" he stopped in mid sentence when he saw Hawkeye standing next to him.

"Oh.Umm…. Hi lieutenant"

"Hello Edward"

"How long have you been standing here?"

"Since you got here."

"Oh…." Ed looked down sheepishly; he should have paid attention to his surroundings before he did anything drastic.

Riza pulled out a key and stuck it in the door it finally opened!

Riza was the first to walk in with the blonde alchemist not far behind. She noticed Roy, but his eyes were shut, "ROY MUSTANG ARE YOU SLEEPING…. AGAIN!" She screamed, sometimes she just hated the fact that he was a lazy ass colonel and didn't do anything, but that's why she loves him. She aimed her pistil at his head, threatening him to wake up.

Roy Mustang jolted back in his chair and saw Hawkeye with her gun pointed straight at him and he knew why. Time to think of a lie, "I wasn't sleeping. There was a fly in my eye and I was trying to smother it"

"Oh please" the lieutenant said with a roll of her eyes.

The two started to bicker and fight, Edward was deciding whether he should back away slowly from the two or demand his vacation. He picked the second one.

"I DEMAND TO GET A VACTION!"

Roy stopped his fighting with Riza, "Actually Full metal that would be a good idea! If you leave then I wont have to see your face!

"What's wrong with my face?"

"Things."

"…"

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Kim: I will put the next chappie up sometime this week, im just lazy and dont feel like typing the rest.

Ed: no comment


	16. Tipton

Kim: sorry it took a while to update..i kept trying to write it but I have to work at a camp and it makes me tired…so review and stuff like that

Ed: Aren't you gonna give the reviewers something if they review?

Kim: uhhh I will give them…chocolate…

Disclaimer: I really wish I owned FMA and I really wished I owned the suite life of Zack and Cody..

Kim: oh and since Ed is at the Tipton, The next chapter is one of Al's mini adventures while Ed is away. I figure I gotta show Al some love and have some drabbles dedicated to him.

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Flashback

"I'm gonna send you far away! MWHAHAHAHAHA!"

Edward stared at the colonel, "Are you on crack?"

End of really dumb flashback

"When Roy said he was gonna send me far away, I didn't think he would send me this far"

Edward looked around, there were cars and people everywhere! He was in Boston and was supposed to stay at the 'Tipton' hotel but right now he was lost. He banged his head against a stop sign, "stupid stupid lost lost ugghhh."

"Hi sir are you lost."

Edward looked at the person talking, he was a blond kid with shoulder length hair, about thirteen years old, and he wore a blue button up shirt with a gray sweater vest.

"Uhh yeah I am, do you know where the Tipton is?"

"Yeah I do! Follow me!" Then the kid took off running. Edward followed, he always thought kids were evil vile little creatures but this kid seemed nice….a little to nice, but he didn't dwell on the thoughts.

He arrived at the hotel out of breath and the kid smiled brightly, "Hi I'm Cody."

Edward gasped still out of breath, "Edward."

"No I'm CODY not Edward."

Edward sighed, "no, MY name is Edward."

"oh." Cody said and then smiled again, "Guess wh-"

Cody was cut off, "ZACK STOP BOTHERING THE GUESTS!" A tall dark man started walking towards the two blondes, "now shoo go away Zack."

"I'm Cody." The thirteen year old said and walked off.

Edward looked at the tall man, his name was Moesby, "uh I'm-"

"Your Edward Elric, you made reservations here, you will love it hear at the Tipton." Moesby smiled, "Here is your key card, your room is on the 23rd floor in room 413."

Edward grabbed the key card, "Thanks." He muttered and went to go wait for an Elevator.

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Edward sighed as he relaxed on the sofa of his suite. This is exactly what he needed; he closed his golden eyes and drifted off to sleep. But his peaceful sleep didn't last long. He heard yelling coming from the room next-door. He faintly heard something about a thief in the hotel and then the voices stopped and it seemed like the people were leaving the room, "oh great" he thought, "now I have to something about the theif, but first I'm gonna buy pie!" he thought happily and got up from the couch.

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Kim: there was gonna be more but I really want to make Al drabbles….PLEASE REVIEW! I wanna know if you like it…

Ed: -Gives reviewers chocolate- CHOCO…LATE!

Kim: AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLE AND DYLAN SPROUSE! They turn 14 today!

Ed: for those who dun know cole and Dylan, they are Zack and Cody from the 'Suite life of zack and cody'


	17. Jamba Juice?

Kim: Welcome to Al's adventure type thing! Oh and thank you to all of those who reviewed! I love you all!

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or Jamba Juice or the suite life of Zack and Cody…But I do own an Ed pillowcase! YAY for me!

Notes: Ed took all the money to the Tipton when he left so Al is broke and needs to get a job.

Important note: AL IS IN HIS REAL BODY! And I have not been to jamba juice in like forever so I don't remember what they have there and what it looks like.

Kim: please review….I shall give you pet rocks if you review..

Other note you must read: This is set a week before Ed goes to the Tipton…Ed doesn't know that Al got a job because he was busy packing and what not.

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Alphonse sighed; he needed to find a job because Ed was going to take all the money when he went on vacation. He kept his eyes pealed for 'help wanted' signs but he was having no luck what's so ever.

After walking down many busy streets he found a place that needed help, it was called 'Jamba juice'. Al's first thought was, 'What the hecks a jamba.' But he figured it wasn't important. He stepped into the place; it was bright green with green tables and colorful chairs. This place seemed happy. Too happy…

"HI WELCOME TO JAMBA JUICE HOW MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER!" A cashier yelled and sang at the same time.

Al walked up to the person, "Hi I would like a job application.."

"SURE! BUT DON'T YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?"

Al was scared of this person so he decided he would order something, "I would like a strawberry smoothie"

The person smiled, her name was Amy, "I HAD 2 STRAW BERRY SMOOTHIES YESTERDAY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?"

Al backed away slowly, "what..?"

Amy's smile faded and she looked serious, "I saw the future."

The Alchemist just blinked, "right."

Amy skipped over to make the smoothie, once it was prepared she handed it over to Al along with the job application.

"Thanks!"

"YOUR WELCOME!"

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It had been one-week day and Al started to work at Jamba juice, he got money and he loved his job. He was now at central, he was on his break and decided to visit the colonel.

"HI ROY! GUESS WHAT! I BURNED BOILING WATER EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T BOILING!" Al practically shouted with joy and then skipped out of the colonel's office leaving Roy stunned.

Roy was shocked, he had never seen Al behave like that.

"Hey Hawkeye….whats wrong with Al."

"He works at Jamba juice"

The colonel jumped up in his chair, "NO! not jamba juice….that place does stuff to people."

Riza looked confused, "How do you know."

"I used to work there…when I worked there I let all the animals in the zoo out…"

FLASHBACK 

"RUN FREE MY FELLOW ANIMALS!" Roy screamed as he sat on an elephant who was running out of the zoo along with other animals."

END OF REALLY SHORT FLASH BACK! 

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Kim: Please review! Sorry if it wasn't that funny…I was tired when I typed this!


	18. Mocking bird

Kim: I love you all! Thanks for reviewing! -Huggles reviewers and throws random candies at them-

Note: I am putting William Beckett in this chappie…. William Beckett is a singer in the band called 'The academy is…' and I'm obsessed with him right now so he shall be in it..

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, Buffy The vampire slayer or William Beckett

OTHER NOTE: this is set 3 weeks before Ed goes to the Tipton and before Al starts working at Jamba Juice

Ed: reviewers get pancakes…with syrup…

Kim: Al has….bird problems….and if you wonder where Ed is then he is visiting a friend cause I don't feel like having Ed in this one.

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**8:00am, Monday**

Alphonse groggily yawned as he sat up in bed; he hardly got any sleep last night! You could clearly see the bags under his eyes. He got out of bed and walked over to the window and looked out, he saw the bright sun and a bird sitting in the tree. He glared and got dressed.

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**7:00pm, Tuesday**

Al sat lazily on the couch watching a marathon of 'Buff the vampire slayer.' The door bell rang and he sighed and got up to answer the door. He twisted the knob only to find Winry.

"Hey Al is Ed home."

"No, he is visiting a friend." Al started, "but your welcome to come in."

"Thanks" The blonde girl said and walked in.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Yeah."

Al grabbed 2 sodas, one for him and one for winry and handed it to her. As he handed her the soda there was chirping in the background. Al watched as Winry took a sip of her soda, "SHUT UP YOU WHORE!"

Winry froze and looked up at Al, "I'm sorry am I sipping to loud."

Al was blank for a minute before he replied, "OH, no…I was yelling at the bird! Because of it I haven't gotten sleep for days! WHAT KIND OF BIRD CHIRPS AT NIGHT!"

"oh…I'm sorry to hear that." Winry was a little scared, she had never heard Al say a bad word nonetheless be mad at an animal!

"I wanted to get rid of it the first day but the colonel wouldn't let me anywhere near the guns!"

"You were gonna shoot it!" Winry exclaimed.

"Maybe."

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**3:00, Wednesday**

It was a warm day, the cars were zooming by and Al was shopping for shoes. Roy had accidentally burned them.

Flash back to 1 hour ago 

Al stood in the room with the colonel, they were talking about deciding who was better 'Cave men' or 'Astronauts' when Riza suddenly walked in.

"Colonel" the lieutenant started, "Did you get those papers done."

"Oh snap" Roy said and snapped his fingers and unfortunately He had his gloves on and roasted Al's shoes.

End of short flashback 

This was dumb! There were no shoe shops anywhere! Al sighed and looked across the street. He smiled and walked across.

The Store was called "GUNS" and they obviously sold guns. Al walked straight to the cashier who was currently cleaning a rifle. Al went over and grabbed the rifle and examined it.

"Hey! I was cleaning that! Sir you have to give it back." The cashier yelled, her name was Tess. She grabbed the Rifle back, "may I help you."

"Yeah, How much are bullets."

"15 dollars a box."

"hmm" Al started thinking, "But I only need one."

Tess' eyes widened, "Sir I know things could be hard sometimes but that doesn't mean you have to kill yourself!"

Al looked at her disbelieved, "Are you nuts? I'm not gonna kill myself! I just wanna kill this damn mocking bird that is sitting outside my window!"

"Its illegal to kill mocking birds, I'm sorry sir but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

Al heaved a heavy sigh and stormed out of the store.

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**1 hour later**

Al sat on a park bench with his knees curled up and his head resting on them. It was peaceful hear…unlike his home where that damn bird was. Waiting outside his window. Plotting…

"Are you Alright?"

Al looked up to see a tall guy about 19 years old with chocolate brown eyes and shoulder length brown hair.

"Not exactly…this bird that lives in the tree outside my window wont shut up! And I just want to kill it!"

The guy say next to Al, "Well…I have a bebe gun."

Al smiled at the guy, "my names Al and that makes you my new best friend."

The guy looked at the crazed 14 year old, "I'm William."

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Alphonse and William sat under the windowsill waiting for the bird to come up to the tree. Al held the be be gun in place, ready to fire. The bird landed on the tree branch and started to madly chirp. Al's eyes narrowed and he pulled the trigger and it hit the bird straight in the wing and the bird fell from the tree.

"I'TS GONE! I DID IT!" Al yelled and hugged William, "ITS GONE, ITS GONE!" he continued to sing, "ITS…g-g-gone." Al's bottom lip started to quiver and he burst into tears, "OH NO! WHAT HAVE I DONE! HURRY! LETS SAVE IT!"

William just looked at Al, he personally thought this kid was having major mood swings but he ran out with Al to go retrieve the bird.

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Al held the bird in his hands, it wasn't breathing, "WHAT DO WE DO!" he looked around frantically and laid his eyes on William, "YOU! GIVE IT CPR!"

"What? NO! Are you crazy."

"DO IT! NOW!"

Will stared and finally bent down to give the bird CPR. The bird awoke and flew out of the room, out of the house and hopefully somewhere far away.

Will sighed with disgust, "that was the most disturbing thing on earth.."

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Kim: tell me if you like it….I just had this idea and stuff…


	19. tipton 2

Kim: what up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM UPDATING AND THAT'S A GOOD THING!

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA I would be famous and if I was famous then I would be able to meet Panic! At the disco…and I don't own them either…

Notes: I AM REALLY TIRED! AND HYPER!..however that is possible….I WASHED CARS ALL DAY AT A FUNDRAISER AND THEN WENT TO A SLEEP OVER AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE AND I JUST GOT BACK! SO IM NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND! So sorry if its not that good.

Al: Kim says that if you review Ed will give you a hug.

Ed: what? –fears fangirls-

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Edward sat down happily munching on his chocolate pie because chocolate pie is really good, just like apple pie but that's beside the point. Edward looked over to the table across from him and noticed that blonde kid. Cody was it? Well whatever. He got up and sat down next to Cody, "whats up"

The kid just stared, "Do I know you???"

"uhh yeah, you met me this morning, I'm Ed and your Cody."

The kid pointed, "YOU LIAR, YOU LIE…I am called ZACK! But you may refer to me as 'The overlord'."

"umm riiight"

"HI ED!" Edward turned around and saw another blonde kid. Holy fashizzle they are twins! What if Roy had a twin? Scary stuff man…scary stuff.

All 3 sat at the table and started talking about random things such as earmuffs, cupcakes, Slim shady and the bombing of 50 cent. They finally got into talking about the thief in the hotel. Rumor has it that a band called 'Panic! At the disco' was coming to stay at the Tipton and the thief was going to steal their money (a/n: I couldn't think of another scenario)

"We must stop this" yelled Zack, "Cause I like that band"

Edward looked confused, "But why are they panicking at the disco?"

"You know what…never mind." Started Cody but he was silenced when Mr. Moesby came running frantically in with a letter in his hand.

"Mr. Elric! It's a letter from your brother!" The manager quickly handed it to Edward and walked off.

Edward opened the letter.

_Dear Edward, _

_WHAT IS UP! MY HOMESLICE! JUST CHILLIN KEEPIN IT FRESH!????? WELL GUESS WHAT! THINGS ARE GOING GREAT HERE! I MISS YOU! AND GUESS WHAT! I WORK AT JAMBA JUICE NOW!_

_PS: meat loaf…._

_From, A-Swiss (Alphonse)_

Edwards face paled. Jamba juice? NOT JAMBA juice.

"Whats wrong Ed." The twin boys asked in unison.

"My-my..brother…works…at jamba juice!"

"Whats so bad about jamba juice?"

**FLASHBACK**

_Edward smiled big and jumped in the freeway. He was only in a bright pink pare of underpants and had a red light saber from starwars._

"_IM A JEDI, IM A JEDI! FEAR ME!" he screamed as cars whizzed pass him_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Edward sighed, "Those were dark times."

"Umm ok then" The boys answered.

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The 3 blondes were about to walk into the hotel lobby when some weirdo with a load of make-up grabbed onto Edward.

"SAVE ME!" the stranger yelled, "THE GUY IN THE UGLY SHIRT IS AFTER MEH MONEY!!!!"

Edward gasped. This guy with make-up was right! That guy did have an ugly shirt!!!! It was all like multicolored and stuff.

"OMG! Your from panic! At the disco!" Zack screamed and pointed at the guy with make-up, "where's the other band people"

"I believe they went too the candy shop." The guy started, "BUT YOU HAVE TO SAVE MEH!" he then frantically pointed to the guy in the ugly shirt.

Edward sighed and tackled the guy in the ugly shirt and then all of a sudden the guy turned into Michael Jackson, "OH NO!" Edward gasped and ran for his life.

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**4 HOURS LATER AT ED AND ALS HOUSE**

"News just in! Guitarist Ryan Ross has been robbed of all of his money! He lost 20 dollars! WHO WOULD DO SUCH STUFF!!!!!!…but the robber was caught…he was really Michael Jackson and now he is sentenced for 4 years at prison…" The TV rang as Edward watched. He had left the Tipton and made his way home because Michael Jackson is scary…screw those stupid little blonde kids…

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Kim: sorry if it didn't make sense, I wrote the first part with lack of sleep and hyper ness…and I wrote the last little bit after I ate lots of popcorn and chocolate…

Al: Tune in next drabble when Edward gets his tongue pierced.

Ed: your gonna do what??

Kim: -shifty eyes-


	20. Worst idea ever!

Kim: WHATS UP! IM UPDATING! YAY ME!!!!! –Runs around squealing-

Edward: calm down!!!!!!

Kim: NOO!!! -glues Ed to the ceiling-

Edward: darn it… Not again

Disclaimer: I own nothing –cry-

Notes: Sorry for grammar errors. Kim wrote this when she was on a major sugar rush and was also overly exited about the Panic! At the disco concert she will be attending in December so she blames them for any grammar errors...Kim also likes talking in 3rd person.

Kim: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 9 DAYS UNTIL I SEE THEM!! –runs around screaming-

Edward: we are sorry for her acting like this…I promise…she will get better.

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This was a bad idea. In fact, this was the worst idea Edward had all summer. Sure the slip and slide down the stairs didn't work, but how was he supposed to know that? And the black cat with a white stripe he bought Al for his birthday, how was he supposed to know that was a skunk!

Edward cringed at the searing pain on his tongue. Getting his tongue pierced had been a terrible idea. Not only did it hurt like hell but also whenever he tried to talk it sounded like 'uhhhhdkjgkflajklmelkflds'. Stupid Al. Its all his fault, Al had sent Ed to the mall to go buy Christmas gifts for everyone and Edward waltzed into the store called 'Claries' and thought it would be a sexy idea to get his tongue pierced. But he was wrong.

Now Edward was walking down the halls to the colonel's office. He spotted the Envy randomly torturing people who walked into Target (AN: it's a store) and thought Roy would want to know and he also had to tell the colonel that Havoc was at the mall ripping off the heads of barbie dolls (AN: crack is whack!).

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"OOOOYYY" Edward attempted yelling as he barged into the colonel's office. Apparently Al was in his office too. Cool! Now Ed could tell all (or attempt too) that Winry was starting a bon fire using his couch!

Roy raised an eye brow and looked at Edward, "excuse me!?" he said quiet confused.

"DAHUMRISTARTORPEMUHE" Edward said rather loudly while throwing his arms in the air, he had to get Roy to stop Envy! Those poor people in Target!

Roy rolled his eyes, "Edward, when referring to me, you must speak English. Not Vietnamese." Edward sighed frustratingly at Roy when all of a sudden Al spoke up, "I believe he said, 'The rain in Spain stays neatly on the flying fire turkey.'"

Edward raised his hands to his temples and Roy just looked confused, "Are you sure that's what he said?"

"Yes" Al replied while Edward glared at him so he tried to say, 'NO I DID NOT SAY THAT!' but it came out more like, "NIDNSYYYYAAT!!!"

Roy just rolled yet again and looked at Al for the Translation.

"He said, "I like pickles with extra salt."" Al told Roy.

Edward gasped, his mouth still open! He didn't even like pickles! Stupid Al. Stupid Jamba Juice. Jamba juice is what did this to him!

Edward decided he just wouldn't talk anymore until his tounge felt better. He looked out the window and saw Envy walking down the sidewalk and walking into the building he was in. _OH NO!_, Edward thought, _I have to warn them! Before Envy unleashes his mega dance skills on us._ Apparently Envy tortured his victims with outrageous dance moves.

"ENISHEEEERRRRRRRRRUUFOULF!!!!!" Edward screamed. He feared Envy's dance skills for he had no dance skills at all!

"You like old newspapers and card board boxes?" Al asked.

Edward banged his head against the wall; "ENISHEEEERRRRRRRRRUUFOULF" Edward tried telling them again.

"OH" Al said pointing his finger in the air, "I know what you said, you said "Marshmallows descend upon wicked and smite them with sticks of bamboo.""

Edward looked disbelieving at Al. What the hell was that supposed to mean. What Al was saying has nothing to do with what Ed was saying!

Edward looked at Roy and then at the door. So far Envy hasn't come in with his bomb dance skills. But when he looked at Roy again, he seemingly fell asleep. Stupid Roy.

Edward walked up to the colonel and put his face by the colonels ear and yelled 'Roy wake up!' but it came out more like, "WPUOTER"

Roy jolted up in his seat, "DON'T WARN THE TADPOLES!"

"What tadpoles?"

Roy looked at Al, "The tadpoles that control planet Jupiter."

Edward looked out the window again and noticed Envy leaving. Thank goodness! Now he wasn't going to get owned by mad dance skills, "HORJKLSJO" Ed yelled. He meant to say "YAY" but for whatever reason it came out all deformed.

"We just won world war 45?"

Edward bit his lip, _what part of 'horjklsjo' sounded like 'we just won world war 45'_. He just sighed. Too bad he didn't have mad healing skills to heal his pierced tongue.

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Kim: I stopped typing cause my hands and fingers are cold…..ITS REALLY COLD!….oh and…reviewers get some Jelly beans if they review!

Edward: -eats reviewers jelly beans-

Kim: DARN YOU ED! –glues him to ceiling again- ok well..i guess you wont get jelly beans so you will have to settle on hot chocolate...EEEEE PANIC! AT THE DISCO -faints-

Ed: we are sorry for her acting like this...she will get help...soon...hopefully...


	21. Keepin it fresh?

Kim: wow this was a quick update. I was just really bored. This is like really random and written in 10 minutes

Edward: omg, I think she's cured! Shes not all squealish about Panic! At the disco anymore!

Kim: -eye twitches- Ed you idiot! WHY DID YOU METION THEM –fan girlish squeal- -runs in triangles- 7 days!!!

Edward: I am so sorry….I SHAL FIND HER HELP –goes off looking for professional help-

Disclaimer: why do we even need a disclaimer! Everyone knows I don't own FMA (unless you on crack and actually thought I did) well shame on you…crack is whack!

Notes:

Roy: where are the notes?

Kim: I turned them invisible.

Roy: turn them back

Kim: fine

Notes: just pretend Ed lives close to Winry and just pretend computers exist in that world. Get it?, got it? Good.

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"Well…this sucks" Edward pointed out as he looked at his new home for the next 2 weeks.

"Sure does" Roy replied, not much liking the fact that Ed will be staying at his home for 2 weeks.

It all started yesterday. Edward came home to him and Al's apartment. Al was cooking tacos and accidentally added an ingredient that exploded the whole apartment and the repairman said it would take 2 weeks to rebuild. Ed and Al had nowhere to stay so Riza forced Roy to take them in.

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Edward sat lazily on the couch twirling the stud in his mouth (remember he got his tongue pierced) when the phone rang. He got up and answered it, "What up?"

"Hey Ed, its Winry. I think you should come over here, Al is throwing Jelly beans at the cars and I don't think the drivers are to happy about that."

Edward sighed. Not again, what was this? The forth time Al has done that?

"I'll be over in a minute" He hung the phone up and quickly ran over to Winry's house.

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"Hey shortie!" Winry greeted with a (scary) smile.

A vain popped out of Ed's head, "I'm not short, I'm just unusually not tall." He clenched his fist together, "so, where's Al?"

"Oh, he had to leave to work (jamba juice) so he stopped the bean throwing"

"Oh, ok..well..I guess I'll go get him then."

A beeping was heard and Winry quickly ran to her computer, "hey Ed look! It says your online!"

"What?" Ed questioned. He totally couldn't be online because he was at Winry's right? OR maybe he had an evil twin somewhere that new his username and password…

"That's odd" Winry continued, "I'm going to instant message you"

"uhh ok"

WrenchWielder: Hey what's up Ed?

Imnotshort: Oh, What up home slice!!???? I'm not doin much, ya know, just chillin keepin it fresh!!

Edwards mouth dropped, "oh..my…gosh, THAT'S ROY! HE HACKED INTO MY ACCOUNT!!!!"

"how would you know its him?"

FLASHBACK 

Edward sat extremely bored on the couch waiting for Roy to finish up reading his report. Riza walked in suddenly, "Hello sir" she said politely.

Roy looked up, "what up home slice!!!???" he attempted a gang sign, "ARE YOU CHILLIN AND KEEPIN IT FRESH!?"

"yeahno." Riza said shaking her head and walking out of his office. Roy shouldn't have bought that book on how to be a gangster.

END OF FLASHBACK 

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Later that day, Edward returned home (actually Roy's home) and looked around. The place had burned down!!!

"Not again." Ed yelled out, "AL DID YOU BURN ROY'S HOUSE DOWN!"

Al came creeping up behind Ed, "yes I did…I thought his walls were ugly and needed to be redone so I really did him a favor but he doesn't know I burnt it down. Hurry lets go to the pimp mobile (the car?) before he finds out.

Edward just sighed and got into the car (pimp mobile as Al calls it) and they drove away to Las Vegas.

The End.

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Kim: like I said…it was random….REVIEW AND YOU GET A KISS FROM ED!

Ed: -turns pale- what?


	22. hide and seek? arrested?

Theresa: Hello peoples!!!!! This is the new chappie that Kim is putting up!

Roy: where is Kim?

Theresa: getting help…. professional help…so since she's getting help I get to introduce the chappie and everything.

Disclaimer: apparently Kim does not own this.

Note: Kim wrote this 2 hours before the Panic! At the disco concert so she was totally flipping out and had to go get help because she was **scaring** the people around her.

Theresa: AND NOW! PRESENTING! THE NEW CHAPPIE! IF YOU REVIEW YOU GET SOME HOMEMADE COOKIES THAT AL IS MAKING AS YOU READ THIS!

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Edward sat happily on the couch munching on the cookies he found in the colonels office. Well actually, he took them because they were labeled "Al's Cookies". His first thoughts were as to why Al had a cookie jar in the colonels office and his second thoughts were…. well he didn't have any second thoughts.

Edward was about to pop another cookie in his mouth when he saw the door knob turn. He quickly got up from the couch and put the cookies back and ran back to the couch and shifted his eyes back and forth.

Al skipped into the room with Roy right behind him. Al peered into the cookie jar and noticed that there was only one left. He brought a hand up to his chin and started to think and then he came up with a solution and broke into song, "WHO STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR??" he eyed Ed, "EDWARD STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"

"Who me?" Edward sang along.

"YES YOU!"

"Couldn't be!"

"THEN WHO!?" Al was about to say something more but Roy broke in, "YOU DO KNOW THAT THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO SOLVE THIS THEN SINGING"

Al nodded, "your right" and then he jumped on Ed attempting to strangle him, "WHY DID YOU EAT MY COOKIES! I MADE THEM WITH LOVE AND PLANNED TO FEED THEM TO MY PET CHOPSTICK AND-" Al was cut off when he heard a loud crashing noise from under Roy's desk.

Roy heard the noise too and looked under his desk. He looked down to find Riza hiding under his desk, "may I ask why you are under my desk.?" Roy asked her.

"YOU MAY HAVE WON THIS ROUND OF HIDE AND SEEK! BUT I SHALL PREVIAL! YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE!" and with that said, Riza quickly got up and ran out of the office.

Roy looked confused. Either Riza stole some crack from Havoc or she was on a really really high sugar rush.

Edward started turning blue, Al's hands were still around his neck.

"uhhh….What was I strangling you for again?" Al asked loosening his grip.

Ed took in a deep breath, "NOTHING!"

"oh ok" Al then got up grabbed his cookie jar and left.

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It's been terrible lately. Riza has been hiding in places in Roy's office and he would look and ask why she was there and she would just scream, "YOU WONT FIND ME NEXT TIME!" or "DARN YOU! I SHALL PREVAIL!"

Roy sighed and heard a rattling coming from his officecloset. He opened it to find Riza dressed all in black. To be truthful, she looked like a robber.

"HOW DO YOU KEEP FINDING ME!" Riza threw her arms up, "I'M WEARING ALL BLACK!!!!"

Roy just sighed again as he watched Riza stalk out of his office. Roy learned one very important thing that day. He learned that crack is whack and never touch Al's cookies.

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Edward sat on the couch of his and Al's apartment. He was watching a marathon of 'That so 70's show'. He was waiting for Al to return. Supposedly Al was off at the store buying bread and Dorito chips because Dorito chips taste bomb. He heard the door bell ring and got up to Answer. He looked out the door only to find a police officer and Al infront of him in hand cuffs.

"Sir, This guy claims to be your brother. He was caught in the act of hairspraying poor shoppers with pink and orange hair spray. I'm going to need you to sign these papers to bail him out of his jail time." The police officer named 'Brendon' said while holding out some papers. (Theresa: you just had to add the lead singer of Panic!s name! geez)(Kim: uhhh)

Ed bit his lip and spoke and looked at Al and then at Brendon, "I'm sorry but I have never seen this individual in my life!"

Brendon glared at Al, "Your coming with me" he grabbed Al's arm and took him to the police car and drove off.

Al sat in the back of the car glaring, was it so much of a crime to hairspray peole different colors? gosh!.

"I shall get my revenge and Ed shal- HEY LOOK A BIRDIE!" Al started saying but got distracted by a bird that was flying next to the car window. It was the mocking bird! Cool. OH no...was it following him?

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Theresa: Well this is the end. Kim would very much like reviews.

Kim: YES I WOULD!!!!

Theresa: why aren't you getting help?

Kim: I escaped…BUT ANYWAYS! 2FLIPPIN hours TILL MY LIFE DREAM IS COMPLETED! I GET TO SEE PANIC! AT THE DISCO –flips out- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Theresa: I'm sorry dear readers she will be normal soon.

Kim: YES!...I mean...NO!...I mean...what? Normal? Is that possible for me?

Ed: ….

Al: -gives readers homemade cookies-


	23. Santa?

Kim: I just want to let all of you know that my life dream was completed. I saw panic! At the disco. I was happy. I died 3 times that day and came back twice. I also dropped half of my popcorn because I flipped out when they walked on stage….I really wanted that popcorn too. I also made a bad impression with panic! At the disco because the guitarist (Ryan Ross) glared at me.

Heres what happened: I was like in the front row and I could see them, they could see me (if they choose to) and then I pulled out binoculars and started staring at the lead singers butt (yes I know, I have problems) and then I brought the binoculars up and Ryan was glaring straight at me. He was glaring because I had binoculars in the front row and staring at Brendons butt… I was frightened.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or That 70's show (I used one line from it)

Note: I wrote this while eating sour skittles…so…. be warned.

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Roy groggily got out of bed because he heard a clanking noise coming from downstairs in his house. Maybe it was Santa Clause or a robber…or Al…or all three.

He made his way down the stairs, the noise was softer but it appeared that it was coming from the kitchen. He poked his head in the kitchen to see a figure looming over his fridge. He flicked on the light switch and sighed with relief.

Al was standing near the fridge with his hand firmly against the door handle. Roy sighed yet again, "Al, did some one glue your hand to my fridge door?"

Al shifted his eyes back and forth, "no"

Roy rolled his eyes, "did _you _glue yourself to my fridge door?"

"…. Yes…."

"Figures"

There was a loud crash that boomed in the living room. Roy gasped and fainted and Al laughed hysterically.

Roy suddenly woke up to see Al on his knees with his hand still stuck to the fridge and laughing hysterically. Roy was scared. Very scared. He came up with a solution. He would get a giant stick and hit Al with it until he died or fainted, either would do.

He stalked up to his room and grabbed a giant stick which he found at the park one day. He ran back downstairs to find Al still laughing. He brought the stick up and started beating Al. But sadly Al would not faint he was like…indestructible. It must be Jamba juice. It gives people strange abilities.

Roy put the stick down and walked into the living room because he heard a ruffling noise. He gasped when he saw a fat man in a red suit. It's Santa Clause! He is real!!!!! Riza lied, she said he was fake but he's here!

"OMG!!!" Roy screamed and ran up to Santa, "YOUR REAL! WHAT DID YOU GET ME!"

The fat man turned around, "I got you coal…you wanna know why? Because you're tall and I don't like you."

That was harsh. Roy came up with a solution to this coal problem. He would open a can of whoop ass on Santa until he gave him a present.

"YAYEOOOHHHHH!!!!" Roy cried his battle cry and tackled Santa.

Santa fell to the ground and obtained a bag of red-hot chili peppers (not the band) and stuffed them in Roy's mouth.

Roy screamed as his eyes watered. He had to fight back! So he got some jellybeans and started chucking them at Santa's head. Santa screamed with Rage and stole Roy's shoe and ran out the front door and somehow jumped onto the roof and rode away on his sled.

Roy ran out attempting to catch him but he could not fly so he just decided to sit on his front lawn and watch the grass die.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Al screamed and ran out of Roy's front door with the fridge door still stuck to his hand. Dang that boy was strong.

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Kim: MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS!!!! –Gives readers skittles and candy canes and a lot of other goodies- First 3 people to review get the next drabble dedicated to them as a present from me!!!!

Ed: what she said.

Al: -drinking egg nog-


	24. typical random day

Kim: OMG! It's a new year! -gives everyone cake- Oh and I decided to dedicate this chapter to more than 3 people. Here are the first 3 people that reviewed so this is for them: BloodSkye, RizaHawkeye-BlackHayate, and Lee-All-The-Way. Also, I'm dedicating it to everyone who reviews all my chapters and that would be: C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, MewMewVanilla, hanjuuluver, Roy-Fan-33. Theres more but like I'm to lazy. So if I missed you let me know.

Notes: THIS IS IN ROY'S POINT OF VIEW! Oh and I was inspired by Kelso from that 70's show.

Summary: it's a typical day in the house of Roy.

Disclaimer: Lets just play it safe and say that I own nothing.

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"WHO WANTS TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF!"

I sighed and brought my gloved hand up to my temples. I can absolutely not believe Al has to live with me again! Honestly, how the hell do you burn down a house with toothpaste and a paper clip??

Al ran up to me and grabbed my arm, "ROY! JUMP OFF THE ROOF WITH ME"

"No." I replied. Why would I jump off the roof? I'm not indestructible like him, so I could die.

I watched him pout, "aww pwease! It doesn't hurt!!"

I shook my head, "Why should I believe you? You have elaborate conversations with plants about peppermints and crayons."

Al gasped dramatically and ran from the room muttering something about sponges. Did I metion he was crazy? Too bad Ed wasn't here to share my pain. Well then again, Ed was probably in worse pain because he was in the hospital. He burned himself underwater. How does that happen?

I began to ponder about how you can be burnt underwater when all of a sudden Al burst through my living room door with a cut across his right cheek.

"What happened to you" I asked.

"Pepito attacked me!" he replied.

"Who?" Ok, I was confused. Who was Pepito?

"THE GNOME THAT LIVES IN MY HEAD!!!"

Huh? Ok, I was lost. I thought crocodiles named Jim and Bill lived in his head.

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Again I was listening to Al talk to himself. Supposedly he was having conversations with the gnome in his head but I think otherwise.

"SHUT UP!" He suddenly yelled and I looked up from my spot on the couch. I watched him pause for a moment and then watched his face twist in shock, "I AM NO SLUT!" He yelled and then ran out of the room yelling about how he was going to kill 'Pepito' for calling him a slut.

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Gee golly gosh. It's been and hour and Al hasn't returned yet. He's probably in the house somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for him.

BANG

Ok, a loud banging noise is never good, so I decided to find the source of noise. It was coming from the garage.

I quickly opened the door to my garage only to find Al going through my things.

He looked up and shifted his eyes back and forth suspiciously, "Uhhh, I need to borrow your Chainsaw."

I cringed. Al with a chainsaw. The horror.

"I uhh needed the chainsaw because I need to chop down a tree."

I raised my eyebrow.

"Because theres something stuck in the tree."

I shrugged my shoulders indicating that I wanted to know why he wanted to chop down the tree.

"An animal…A rabbit….Theres a rabbit stuck in the tree and I want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs." He looked pleadingly at me.

"Alphonse, rabbits don't- how the hell did a rabbit get stuck in a tree?!!!!" My voice was filled with anger because that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

"Uhhh Winry threw it up there?" He shrugged.

I sighed, "Winry threw a rabbit up a tree?"

He nodded, "uhh yeah, Shes a sadistic bitch….she once hit a cow!"

I shook my head back and forth, "whatever" I really don't want to deal with Al right now so I decided to let him find my chainsaw (do I even have one?) and do what he needs to do.

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Hours passed. It was night time and I was just about to hop in bed when I heard hysterical laughter outside my bedroom window. I poked my head out and saw Al laughing with the chainsaw in his hands, "COME MY MINIONS! ITS OFF TO KILL THE EVIL DUCKIES OF JUPITAR!"

What

The

Hell

I don't even want to know anymore…..

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Kim: ehhh, sorry if you don't like first person. I just found it easier to write first person. –sigh-

Ed: why arnt you bubbly?

Kim: because –cry- I'm missing a Fall Out Boy concert……so leave me reviews to make me happy.

Ed: ummm…..well if you review I'll give you a burrito.


	25. Dresses and elements?

Kim: sorry for my lack of updates. I've been busy. My Internet got taken away from me because of the stupid cable guy.

Notes: Sorry its short. It's short and contains some bad language that I highly think young children should not hear. Sorry about grammar mistakes. I'm tired and watching TV at the same time while writing this.

Disclaimer: This is as real as Brittany Spears' hair. I don't own and this never happened in the series.

Ed: review and get pixie sticks.

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"Alphonse? May I ask why you are wearing a dress?" Roy asked not clearly seeing the reason as to why Al was in a pink sparkly hooker dress.

Al just shrugged and twirled around. "I think it makes me look pretty" He stopped twirling. "And It's Halloween."

"Al…it's the middle of February…"

Alphonse pointed an accusing finger at Roy. "NO IT IS NOT!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO ITS NOT YOU WHORE!"

Roy gasped. "Oh no you didn't…YOU SLUT!"

This time, Al gasped. "YOU HOE!"

"YOU GOLDDIGER!"

" YOU PROSTITUTE!"

Roy brought his hand up to his chin and thought. He couldn't come up with another comeback. Darn. That meant Al won this round.

Moments later Edward burst through the door panting. "YOU GUYS! I INVENTED AN ELEMENT!"

"And what element would that be?" Roy asked while shoving Al behind his back so he can save Edward the torment of seeing his brother in a dress.

Edward put his hands on his hips in a proud way. "I invented the element 'Grass in frozen water.'"

Roy was confused. How is that an element? Aren't elements things such as carbon and silver…?

Roy shrugged. "Good job Edward." He moved slightly revealing Al a bit, Just enough of Al for Ed to see.

Edward gasped and then fainted. He then got up 2 seconds later, fainted, got up, gasped, fainted and so on and so forth.

Roy shook his head in shame. Sometimes he just couldn't understand the Elric brothers.

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Kim: I promise the next chapter up soon. I will love you if you review.

Ed: smack that all on the floor. Smack that give me some more. Smack that…

Al: no one wants to hear you sing that.

Ed: Roy does.

Al: oh really?


	26. Pink Flamingo

Kim: Yeah…my last update was a long time ago. Forgive me?….This chapter is short so sorry.

Disclaimer: If this is real then Ed and Roy are in my closet singing Fall Out Boy songs.

Note: it is short because my cat died yesterday and I'm still devastated about that.

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"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"NO!"

Roy practically died from anger. Winry was refusing to leave his house. Why She was even there in the first place? Roy didn't know.

"Winry….I will tell you one more time to leave before something bad happens."

"YOU STOLE MY PINK FLAMINGO! I KNOW YOU DID!"

"………..That's it. I'm getting Alphonse." Roy then went up to his room and looked out his window. "ALPHONSE!" He called.

Al came flying through the window (yes Al can fly…sorta….). "YES ROY?"

"I need you to get rid of Winry."

"YESSIR!" Al then flew out of Roy's room and down to where Winry was. He then got out a pickle jar and stuffed her in there. Not sure how she fit though….

Roy strolled down the stairs and stopped to see Al holding Winry in the pickle jar. "I don't even want to know…."

"I STILL DON'T HAVE MY PINK FLAMINGO!"

Gosh. The jar kept her contained but it wasn't sound proof.

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Kim: review? I know FMA has long ended and fanfiction is probably slow (I haven't read any FMA fiction in like…a long while) but if you review you make me happy.

Ed: I LOVE TAQUITOS!


	27. Pants cause cancer

Kim: Short but fun. Reviews make me happy.

Disclaimer: Owning this is as real as my A in math class

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"Alphonse…. Why aren't you wearing pants?"

Al sighed exasperated and rolled his eyes at Edward, "Pants cause cancer!"

Edward raised an eyebrow, "No they don't" he started saying, handing Al a pair of pants. Al refused the pants pulling out pepper spray, "BACK! I DO NOT FEAR TO USE THIS SUBSTANCE!!!"

Edward jumped back. He feared pepper spray. Ever since Roy got him pepper spray for Christmas he's been scared of it. "Alphonse, who gave you peppers spray?"

"Roy."

"Why?"

"Because he couldn't resist my sexyness." Al licked his finger and put it to his hip and mad a 'ssssssssss' noise.

"Whatever" Edward didn't care anymore. Al was weird. He wasn't going to deny that.

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"Roy…Why aren't you wearing pants?"

"It causes cancer."

"WHAT THE HELL! NO IT DOESN'T!" Edward slapped the colonel before leaving. When people didn't wear pants it was disturbing. Especially if they have hairy legs and Roy had some _hairy _legs.

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"Winry? Please tell me why you are not wearing any pants?" Edward asked, sighing as he looked at Winry in her bring orange underwear that said "PINK" on them.

Winry thought for a moment before replying, "It's breezy" She said, happy with her answer.

"Okay good." Edward smiled a bit, "So that means that pants _don't _cause cancer?"

Her mouth dropped, "Oh.my.gosh. Pants DO cause cancer. That's why I always wear a skirt." She then grinned.

Edward blinked a few times. Girls were smart. They new what they were talking about so he believed her. He then ripped his pants off (yes he was wearing stripper pants) revealing his pink boxers with Rhine stones.

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Kim: Ta-da!

NOTE: I AM DOING A PAIRING CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER! FIRST PERSON WHO REVIEWS TELLING ME WHAT PAIRING THEY WANT THEY WILL GET! Okay?

Edward: String Cheese


	28. The crayola crayon

Kim: I just put in all the parings that were said in the reviews.

Disclaimer: Honestly, Do you really think I own FMA? Well I don't.

Warning: Nothing really unless you're a hater. Fluff. Well it isn't even that, its more like fuzz XD.

Kim: Now I got a flame just recently. I'm not mad. It didn't hurt my feelings but if you have nothing nice to say don't fucking say it. **So flame me. I dare you. **and you'll really see what venom I can spit out.

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Alphonse smiled happily. He just drew a gerbil on the floor of Roy's office with a pink crayon. Edward frowned at this and grabbed the crayon from Al.

"You took my crayola bitch." Al tried retrieving the crayon but Edward decided it was a good idea to hide the crayon. He quickly opened the closet door of Roy's office and stuffed the crayon in there but he failed to notice that Breda and Armstrong happened to be in there.

Al blinked, "I'm not stupid, I know it's in the closet."

"Darn."

Edward was pushed aside as Al reopened the door but he didn't see the crayon. What he saw was much worse. He saw Breda and Armstrong. Shirts off. Hair tangled and tongues down each other's throats. He cleared his throat and they both stopped what they were doing.

"Have you seen my pink crayola?"

Armstrong brought a hand up to his chin and thought, "Ohh. You mean the pink crayon that I just ate."

Al just stared blankly. "Why would you eat it?"

"I thought it was a cherry."

Al just shook his head and slammed the door so they can return to their 'activities'.

Al frowned at Ed. "You owe me a crayola."

"Fine" Edward clapped his hands, "WINRY!" he called. Almost instantly just appeared through the window with an orange crayon in hand. She smiled triumphantly, "It may not be pink but it is kick ass orange!"

Al clapped happily and started petting his orange crayon. Edward kissed Winry on the cheek. "That you honey bunches of oatie kins"

Al just made a fake gagging noise. He didn't want to see any of that but then a thought occurred to him. Where was Roy? So he asked it, "Where is The Roy?"

All three went silent before Edward's eyes lit up in realization. "OH MY GOSH I LEFT ROY IN THE CAR!" He jumped out the window, "I'M COMING ROY-WAFFLY-LOVEY-DOVEY-APPLE- BOTTOM!"

Winry made a dramatic gasp. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" She frowned, "I see how it is. I'll just date Al"

Al stopped petting his orange crayon. "Wait, what?"

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Kim: Knock yourselves out. Review. You'll make me happy.


	29. I Constantly Thank God for Jamba Juice

Kim: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers. I love you all.

Disclaimer: This ain't a scene it's goddamn fiction. I don't own.

Notes: Review or not but it's better if you do.

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Break dancing isn't as easy as Al thought it would be.

Jamba Juice is holding its 8th annual talent show. Anyone and everyone are invited to join. He conned Roy, Edward, and Winry to being apart of it. He had no clue what each of their acts was going to be but he knew what his was going to be. Pimp daddy bombdiggity break dancing. The only problem is he doesn't know how to break dance.

He tried and he tried for hours and the talent show is less than 2 hours away. He couldn't lose! He had to win the Golden Jamba Award!

-

Talents show time. Edward was up first. His act wasn't to special, it just contained him attempting to swallow fire and lets just say it didn't end well and he had to go to the hospital.

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Roy's turn, he was dressed in a giant baggy white shirt with too big pants that were barely hanging on his hips. Then a loud beat came on and Roy began to sing, "All the hommies they know what I mean, baby let me show you how I lean (like a cholo). Side to side, elbows up side to side." He then brought his elbows up and leaned side to side. The crowd just stared in awe; they had no idea how to respond so they just clapped when he was done.

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Al's turn, he couldn't master break dancing so he opted on reciting a Justin Timberlake song like a poem. "I'm bringing sexy back." Pause. "them other boys don't know how to act." Really long pause and then a curtsy and he walked off stage.

-

Winry was up. She just stood there making poses. The crowd took out their cameras and snapped many pictures. After about five minutes of poses and pictures she smiled to herself and walked off the stage.

-

"AND THE WINNER IS! WINRY!" The announcer yelled into the microphone, deafening half the audience.

Winry screamed and retrieved the Golden Jamba Award. She knew pretending to be America's Next Top Model was a good idea.

Al sulked. Roy sighed and Edward was in the Hospital.

And the Mocking bird sat outside of Jamba Juice and Al gasped.

END

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Kim: Thanks for reading.

Ed: Haven't you people ever heard of closing the-

Kim: -glares-

Ed: -glares back then smiles real big- Reviewers get free high fives.


	30. Oh no! It's back!

Kim: Yay me! I'm updating. Review and you get cake. Chocolate cake with Oreos.

Warning: I dropped one bad word.

Notes: I know that my grammar in this chapter is off. But you can still enjoy it anyways, cause you get cake and cake makes everyone happy.

Disclaimer: Am I honestly going to own FMA? I don't think so.

Edward: Cheese dip also makes people happy.

Kim: shhhh! That's what they were gonna get next chappie.

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"EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

Twitch.

"EEEE-EEEEEE-EEEEEEAP!"

Twitch.

"…………EEEEEEEEEEAP!"

Alphonse twitched again screaming. "YOU STUPID BIRD!"

-

"Winry! I have a problem!" Alphonse announced when he walked into the Rockbell home.

Winry raised her eyebrow. "Shoot."

Al nodded, "okay well I was minding my own business when all of a sudden that mocking bird sits out my window and won't shut up! I swear its just like last time, so then I got a crumbled up piece of paper and threw it at the bird and now I think the cops are after me." He was about to continue on but then he looked out the window, "OH SHIT! IT'S THE LAW! THEY FOUND ME!" He then took off.

Winry shook her head. It was not the cops. It was actually just the suns glare, but Al didn't know that.

-

Alphonse barged into Roy's office. "ROY! THE MOCKING BIRD IS AFTER ME…and so is the law."

Roy rubbed his temple. "It's just a bird. Who cares? Anyways, Where's your brother? He was supposed to be here an hour ago."

Al shrugged and Edward walked in.

"Edward, where were you?" Roy asked in an irritated tone.

"I was abducted by aliens from a nearby space. I have now been gone for 40 years but thankfully in earth time it has only been an hour." Edward smiled and sat on Roy's desk. "So are we gonna go strip bowling or what?"

"Heck yeah!" and with that said Roy and Edward left, leaving Al to solve his mocking bird problem all by himself.

TO BE CONTINUED

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Kim: you head it folks! To be continued! Now review, cause I know you all want that cake.


	31. emails and pants

Kim: Hey! So I had this neat idea for a drabble. Review and I'll love you to bits and thanks to everyone who already reviews.

Notes: This was supposed to be e-mails but I can't put email addresses sadly.

Summary: Edward's pants got stolen and he's a bit of a whore.

Disclaimer: **FICTION**

* * *

**To:** Roy, Al, Winry, Riza, William Beckett, Armstrong

**From:** Edward the bitch

**Re:** Who stole my pants?

Alright, listen up bitches. Who took my pants? One of you did. You stole all my prescious leather pants and now all I'm left with are these gay looking purple shorts that I think are Al's.

Tell me who took them and I won't be you with my frying pan :D

…I'm serious.

* * *

**To:** Edward  
**From:** Roy 

**Re:**I did'nt do it

I didn't take your pants Elric :p

..But I did take your underwear last week ;)

My place later?

* * *

**To: **eDwArD  
**From: **The real gangsta Al 

**Re:**(no subject)

I dId NoT taKe uR pAntz HoMmIe. WhO wOuLd Do SuCh A tHiNg.

Ps. Do you have a gun?

* * *

**To: **Al  
**From: **Ed  
**Re: Re:** (no subject) 

STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!

Ps. No

* * *

**To: **Ed )  
**From:** Winry 

**Re:**pants?

Nope :D I don't have your pants D:

I'm sorry Edddyyyy :[ I hope you find them.

I bet Al took them :0 He always does that. Last week he stole all my pink socks.

Hey come to my place later lets have funnnnnnn :DDDD

* * *

**To: **Edward Elric )  
**From:** Riza Hawkeye 

**Re:**This is a tragedy

I do not have your pants sadly but I bet you look sexy in those little purple shorts. My place later? Bye

* * *

**To: **Edward Elric )  
**From:** William Beckett Stop 

**Re:**STOP E-MAILING ME!!!!!!!!

I don't have your pants. I don't even know you. But you do sound kind of hott. My place. Now.

Ps. Is Al your brother?

* * *

**To: **William Beckett 

**From:**Edward Elric )

**Re: Re:**Stop

Defininatly, I'll be there ;)

Ps. Yes

* * *

**To: **Edward Elric 

**From:**William

**Re: Re Re: ** Stop

Good :D I'll be waiting.

Ps. He wants my bebe gun

* * *

**To: **William 

**From:**Edward Elric

**Re: Re: Re Re**: Stop

I'll dress in something sexy ;)

Ps. Don't give it to him.

* * *

**To: **Edward Elric 

**From: **Armstrong

**Re:**yor pantz 

I don't hav yor pantz. I not sur who have tem. I tink it Al.

Com to my plac latter?

* * *

**To: **Edward Elric 

**From:**AL!

**Re:**Fine fine. 

I toOk YoUr PaNtz. I sEt ThEm On FiRe. My BaD.

I thought that if I set your pants on fire and threw it at the mocking bird it would go to hell :0

BuT I lEfT yOu NiCe PuRpLe PaNtz To WeAr InSteAd.

* * *

Kim: like it? 


	32. The bet

Kim: Oh snap! I updated! Yay! Thank you to you all who review. You guys are wonderful and I just wanna bake you all pumpkin squares.

Disclaimer: I don't really own anything. I was inspired by It's always sunny in Philadelphia

Notes: Ehehe. Thanks to a review I realize that my story is rated K+ when it should be T. I don't pay attention to ratings so thank you to whoever told me that. Can you believe when I started this I was 11 and now I'm 14. Wow.

Edward: -doesn't know what to give reviewers- I Edward will give you…a lap dance if you leave reviews.

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A bet. That's all Edward did. A bet against Al and Roy.

Who would beat the other in a mathematical pop quiz?

Now, Al and Edward were in the bet together but Al told Ed to bet for him to win because in his mind he knew he could beat the colonel in any math contest because the colonel sucked at math. Period.

On the other hand Edward knew otherwise. He knew Roy would beat Al so he changed up the bet so that Al would lose and think they lost all their money when Edward actually pocketed it.

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"I can't believe we lost 500 dollars" Al sulked. He hated losing just as much as he hated that mocking bird.

Ed and Al were walking back to their apartment and they decided to take a short cut. A short cut through the alley and everyone knows that something bad _always_ happens in alleys.

"Yeah…" Edward replied back and suddenly stopped when he saw a dark figure approaching them.

It was a homeless man with raggedy clothes, raggedy hair, raggedy everything. He looked harmless up until he shot out his pocketknife at Ed and Al. "GIVE ME YOUR MONEY! EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!"

"We don't have any money," Al said attempting to walk past the man.

"EMPTY YOUR POCKETS OR I WILL STAB YOU BOTH!"

Al sighed and emptied his pockets; there was nothing in them. He then looked at Edward, waiting for him to do the same.

Edward clasped his hands together; "I have nothing in my pockets. Can we just leave?"

"NO! EMPTY THEM!" The homeless man waved the knife at Edward.

Edward took a step back and then gulped as he took out a wad of cash from his pockets. Al looked at him disbelieved, mouth agape.

"GIVE IT HERE!" The man yelled, stepping closer.

Alphonse put his hands on his hips. "HOLD ON OLD MAN!" The man halted and Al turned to face Edward. "Where did you get that?"

"Well you see…. I bet against you because I knew you were gonna lose."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Err yeah."

Al shook his head and faced the homeless man. "You can kill him." He then stalked away, pulling at his hair because in the far distance he heard the mocking bird chirping from their apartment.

Edward glared at Al and then looked back at the homeless man and smiled nicely. "Please don't stab me."

-

Kim: Thanks for reading.


	33. Summer Camp

Kim: Oh how it's been so long. I'm so sorry I've been gone stops quoting Panic at the Disco For real though, I've been gone a while and I'm sorry. Are you guys even still reading? If you are I love you loads. and I really do hope you enjoy this chapter. Based on true facts...kinda...well yeah...

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for the shoes I'm wearing.

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Roy was in hell

Not the firing flamed up kind of hell but it was hell nonetheless. Screaming kids were rampant, running in every direction, screaming at each other. Roy kind of wanted to kill himself. He would have never agreed to work at El Dorado Park's summer camp if Al didn't convince him, luring him in with fancy sweets and a giant teddy bear that absolutely made Roy gush. Damn Alphonse and his magic ways.

Roy Mustang wasn't too fond of kids, nor did he like the fact that he had to spend a 7-hour day from 9:00am till 4:00pm with these little monsters. At first, he didn't think it would be too bad but as soon as he stepped foot on the camp playground this little boy came flying off the jungle gym, a cup full of something in his hands and spilled it all over his new shoes.

This is when Roy _knew_ he was in hell.

And he still had 6 hours left in the day.

Damn.

"ROY!"

Roy cringed when he heard his name being called; he looked for the source of noise and found himself looking down at one of the little boys, Winston.

Roy bit his lip, "What Winston?"

Roy had only known Winston for about an hour and already despises this little child. This kid would seriously not shut up.

"There's sand in my shoe and I don't like it and sometimes when there's sand in my shoe I get it between my toes and that reminds me of the time I went to the beach, oohh, that was not a good time. I got sand all up in my swim shorts. I was sad. I cried and then my mom took me to get ice cream…"

Roy tuned him out. This kid was just as bad as Al, if not worse.

3 hours left into the day and Roy keeps glancing at his watch. 3 hours until freedom.

In the last few hours Roy has had everything he could imagine happen to him. He's had juice spilled on him, tripped on one of the kids and fell face first into the sand, got chased by a huge ass bumble bee that some kid caught in a water bottle, and worst of all, one of the kids pushed him into the park pond. He was pissed as hell after that and wanted to go home.

At the moment Roy was standing under one of the many trees in the park, observing the kids playing. Nothing bad could happen to him here. Unless a tree branch falls on him or something. He winces at the thought.

"Hey R."

Roy recognizes the voice, "He Ed." He frowns, "Where were you all day?"

"Dude, five of the kids ganged up on me and tied me up behind that tree over there." Edward points to a tree, "and then Al freed me."

"Oh. Sucks." Roy shrugs. That's still not as bad as what he's been through.

It's now the end of the day and Roy slumps onto his apartment couch and heaves a heavy sigh. There's a knock on the door and he just yells, "COME IN" and they do.

It's Al and he's smiling, "How was you're first day?"

"Hell." Roy replied and moved from the couch to the kitchen. He needed some serious coffee.

"The kid's just don't like you because you have a bad aura. It's negative."

Roy rolls his eyes, "Pshh. The kids just don't like me. Period."

"Nahh." Al says knowingly because Al is always right.

The rest of the summer passes by and the kids still don't like Roy. He still hasn't changed his aura. If only he had listened to Al.

--

Kim: If a handful of you are still reading I could do weekly updates? Who votes yes on that? haha. Thanks for reading darlings.


	34. Obviously, drugs are bad for Al

Kim: Hello lovers. I very much enjoy when you guys review and leave comments. They make me insanely happy. And I love all of you who still read. I just want to molest you all :'D

Disclaimer: Obviously I own nothing but thats okay because I own an Ed pillow case. Hell to the yeah.

Warning: a cuss word and I referenced something sexual. Kinda. But you can barely catch it if you are clean minded.

Edward: Dear readers, What would you do for a klondike bar?

Kim: DON'T SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL FOR ONE!

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"VICODIN?" Roy screams, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Edward looks down at his shoes.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE AL VICODIN! AS IF HE'S NOT FUCKED UP AS IT IS!" Roy's voice is straining and he is a little out of breath because really. Edward just gave Alphonse vicodin, a drug, a horrible drug.

Edward looks up. "But Al had extreme mouth pains and that's the medication the doctors prescribed."

"Mouth pains from what?" Roy asks.

"He won't say."

Roy shudders. He really doesn't want to know.

Edward and Roy stand together a few minutes, silently glaring at one another. Ed argues that it's not his fault and 'how bad can it be if Al is on it?' Roy just disagrees and foresees hell in their Alphonse drug induced future.

"THE ENEMY IS ATTACKING!"

Edward and Roy look around startled. They're in Roy's office and all they see is each other…until they look out the window. There stands Al in a god awful striped sweater (those Christmas ones) on the ledge of the window holding a can of whipped cream.

Ed slowly glances at Roy and Roy motions him to lean. When he does Roy whispers, "Don't make any sudden movements and don't open the window."

They both slowly start backing up to the door. Al is standing in the window but the blankest stare is on his face. When they reach the door Roy opens it quickly and is about to run out but is face to face with Al.

"What the heck?" Edward says, scared. He turns around and there's Al in the window but Al is standing right in front of him.

"Oh that's my card board cut out. Isn't he fabulous??" Al shrieks and pulls Roy and Ed into a big hug. Alphonse pulls out of the hug and then puts on a serious face. "Now. There is a zombie apocalypse going on and we need to leave. Perhaps to Costco."

"The Super market?" Ed asks.

"Yes." Al replies and grabs both alchemists by the wrist.

Once out of the building Al points to a group of girls. "Look. Those are the zombies."

"Al, that's Winry and I'm pretty sure those are her friends." Roy says, dull tone in his voice.

"LIE!" Al screams and notices the girls coming closer. "TWIGGY TOLD ME! HE _TOLD_ ME THOSE ARE ZOMBIES!"

"Twiggy?" Edward asks confused.

"The voice." Al shifts his eyes back and forth. The girls start coming closer (to say hi) and Al is biting his lip furiously. "I NEED TO LEAVE!"

Suddenly there's a garden gnome in Al's hands and he's running. Running for his life. The zombies are after him. They want to _eat _him. They want to _turn _him. He will not be caught.

Edward and Roy just stand there was Alphonse runs off. They share glances.

"I'm not dealing with him when he gets back." Roy suddenly says.

Ed sighs. "Fine. I'll deal with him but if he needs a shower when he gets back you are gonna wash him."

Roy shudders because he sees Al fall in a mud puddle in the distance.

--

Kim: Was it fabulous? Review my darlings.


	35. Roy's day

Kimmy: Hey guys. I fail at updating but whatever XP. This one popped in my head and I typed it in about one minute. Sorry if it's made of fail.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

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"You know, you really are annoying." Roy says as he stares at Alphonse from across his desk. For once his desk isn't littered with paperwork but that's just because he did it already (burned it).

Al is just sitting across from Roy, staring and it would be strange for the Flame Alchemist if he weren't already used to it.

This is the beginning of Roy's day.

The day actually wasn't that horrid. Al only sat and stared for three hours before he decided to leave claiming that he had a miniature golf tournament to settle with some G's.

Er, yeah. Roy's not really sure what a G is. Edward told him it was gangsters.

Edward shows up in his office an hour after Al leaves. Ed, being the short little princess he is, accuses Roy of secretly sending him hate mail repeatedly. This in fact, is not true. Al has been writing those letters ever since last Christmas when all he received was a letter from Ed that said, "Ho ho ho, Santa heard you were being a filthy rat bastard. You better forget about your presents. Rot in hell you turd!"

It wasn't a pleasant letter but then again Al shouldn't have dyed Edwards's hair pink the month before Christmas.

The rest of Roy's day goes by pretty normally. It's when he leaves the office and is walking home. He meets up with Ed and listens to him rant for an hour about how he hates that people keep telling him to be "Edward Cullen" for Halloween. Roy doesn't know what that is.

Roy assumes this Edward Cullen is an abominable snowman from what he's heard.

Half way down the street till home and Roy thinks he might actually make it without any conflict. He was wrong.

Al comes running by, like a madman with so called "G's" right behind him. Edward mumbles under his breath that Al must have pissed the G's off again. He was right.

The rest of the night they spent running from the G's.

THE END

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Kimmy: Yeah, this one was a bit random, short and eh. I hope you liked it though.


	36. The Poodle

Kimmy: Hey guys! It's been forever. I know. I don't even know.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters but I do own a copy of the new Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep game. hehehohaha.

Edward wasn't exactly sure how he got himself in this situation. It wasn't exactly his fault that the Colonel's front lawn was on fire and that Al was passed out in the bathroom with a copy of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" clutched firmly to his metal chest.

No really. This time he had nothing to do with any of this.

And if it wasn't his fault that it was most likely Al's. In this case it was most definitely Al's fault.

It all started when The Colonel asked Edward (Not Al) to please, "take care of Ralphie" while he was deployed on some mission blah blah blah for a week blah blah blah. Edward wasn't exactly sure what the Colonel had to do but it must have been important if he needed his new pet dog to be taken care of.

You see, Ralphie is this little black poodle thing that the Colonel found a month ago and unable to withstand the puppy dog eyes he had to adopt it.

The colonel won't admit it but his favorite dogs are poodles. Especially when they get those funny haircuts.

Edward agreed to take care of Ralphie while the Colonel was away for the week.

First of all, Edward thought, he shouldn't be left with such responsibilities. It was a hassle just waking up and feeding himself!

This is when he offhandly bitched about having to feed the Colonel's pet dog to Al. This, in fact, was a terrible, horrible thing to do. He regretted it as soon as the bitch fit left his lips.

Al's eyes widened and he said nothing but Edward knew. He KNEW Al was thinking something and Al thinking something was never a good thing.

There are 7 days in a week and out of those 6 days Edward has been able to successfully take care of Ralphie. Only one more day and he would be home free and that means that Al didn't actually meddle in his affairs this time!

If only he was so lucky.

Day 7 and Edward's standing in the middle of the living room wondering how the hell this all happened. He showed up and the lawn was on fire and as he ran inside to save Ralphie he was nowhere to be seen except for Al in the bathtub with Rome and Juliet.

"AL" he screams, kicking the body on the ground, "WAKE UP!"

Al grumbles and his eyes slip open and they widen. "ED," he shrieks, "WHERE IS THAT DEMON SPAWN?"

"What are you talking about!" Edward screams back, "THE LAWN IS ON FIRE!"

"So it is?" Al asks curiously.

"Yes. It is. What. Did. You. Do?"

"ME!" Al gasps, "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I just came to the house to see 'Ralphie'" he air quotes, "I have never even seen this dog before so, you know, I was curious!" he pauses and takes a deep breath, "I show up and the stupid dog tries to kill me. KILL ME."

Edward stares blankly. "You are ridiculous."

"What? You don't believe me?" Al says disbelievingly.

"Al. Do you really want me to answer that. Half of what you say is not even true half the time…"

"BUT THIS TIME IT IS!"

"WHERE IS RALPHIE!"

Al shifts his eyes to the closed toilet seat and then back at Edward.

"You didn't." Is all Ed could muster out.

Al just stared on.

"I CAN NOT EVEN BELIEVE YOU DROWNED THE DOG THAT ROY ASKED ME TO WATCH. WE ARE SO DEAD WHEN HE GETS HOME!" Edward fumes and then opens the toilet lid and…there's nothing there.

"This isn't funny Al."

"I SWEAR, HE IS IN THERE!"

"But he isn't," Edward says as Al looks over his shoulder at the empty bowl.

Al steps back and then grabs Ed's arms forcefully. "EDWARD. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?"

Edward just stared, shocked and maybe just a little appalled.

"He is going to kill us."

They both stared at each other for a moment and then heard a squeak and looked at the door way. A small stuffed animal sat. Staring at them with beady little eyes. It was a poodle.

Kimmy: I feel like next chapter is going to be a strange version of Romeo and Juliet directed by Al.


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